Sports Parenting: When Kids Have An Off Day

One of the hardest things about being a sports parent is dealing with “off days” from your child. As a coach, I know that each of my athletes is dealing with different variables each day and that there is no way the are always on, but for some reason, parents tend to forget this.

So, how do you handle it when your athlete doesn’t want to go to practice or is obviously not performing up to her regular standard? So often I see parents get agitated at their children for this, but honestly, that isn’t the solution. Here are some things to consider:

1. Is your child coming down with a cold or other illness? I can’t tell you how many times I have noticed a child (especially my own) having a bad practice or struggling with a workout just to find out she has an ear infection or missed the following day at school from illness.

2. Did something happen at school or home to upset her? One of the great things about sports is that it offers another outlet in our lives. It is hard for kids to leave school at school all the time, just like it is hard for you or your spouse to always leave work at work.

3. Has there been a change in coaching or teammates? Recently my youngest daughter didn’t want to go to swim practice. I was really surprised because she loves to swim. Come to find out, the reason was that she misses her summer swim coach – who was really her first swim coach. We have been talking about it and she seems to be adjusting and regaining her enthusiasm.

4. Is she having difficulty with a skill or making a correction? Kids handle fear, frustration and disappointment in their own  unique ways. When my older daughter was feeling overwhelmed at learning too many new skills at the gym at once, she suddenly started having difficulty with skills she has had for years, acting out and cutting corners in her conditioning. It was her way of telling us she was in over her head and a training change needed to be made.

So, how do you handle it?

If it really seems like your daughter is just having an off day, let it go. Do not grill her about practice afterwards or insist she come up with reasons for her lackluster performance. As a matter of fact, don’t even bring up practice. Talk about what’s for dinner, plans you have for the weekend or anything else.

If she wants to talk about it, be ready and listen. Offer support without criticism and her her come up with a strategy to overcome any obstacles to having a great practice.

Whatever you do, don’t go interrupting practice telling the coach to “motivate her” (or similar), don’t even consider pulling her from practice or punishing her after the fact. After all, it is her sport not yours – she is the one out there doing the work. And ask yourself – are you “on” everyday? Probably not!

If this “off day” starts looking like an “off week or month” then you need to start looking at the whole situation much closer. Read my article Keeping Athletes in the Sport for more ideas.