If you have a child on a sports team, chances are they are an average athlete – after all, the stars are few and far between. Every team is made up of more average athletes than it is stars, yet so much self worth of parents and athletes is caught up in the star mentality.

When Tom Burgdorf’s Parenting an Athlete newsletter showed up in my inbox this morning, his first message really struck a chord with me:

Teams will always be comprised of athletes who are different. Teams will always have “stars”, “athletes with a little less of everything” and “athletes with even less of everything.” That is the way it has been, is now and will be in the future. The kids had better learn about it and get used to it.

They are going to be faced with the same situation in EVERY aspect of their life where there is a group. Middle school, high school, college, sports, business, relationships, everything. We can’t all be stars in everything we do. To learn that you are talented in some things and that others are more talented in other areas is a huge life lesson.

Another life lesson is to not avoid the areas that you are not a “super star” in. I see too many situations where an athlete is pulled out when they show average ability rather than “star” ability. I also see many people with the attitude that if their child isn’t a star then it is a negative situation. I don’t believe that.

I think we are building a well rounded young adult who should work hard in areas that may not be their “star” areas. I also think that these kids are being cheated when they aren’t being told that maybe others are better than they are. There is nothing wrong with that. These kids are resilient and they can take the truth. We don’t build confidence in ourselves by having to be the “star” in everything we do.

A team is great because of a lot of people, not just the “stars.”

And if the kids are going to give up because things aren’t “easy” for them, wow.

One of the reasons this was very relevant to me this week is that I am a parent of an average athlete, but I am also the coach of many average athletes and some stars, too.

Parenting my average athlete can be complicated. She is very comfortable with me watching her competitions because she knows that I am not a bit concerned with how she finishes in comparison with the others, but that I am more proud of her for reaching her own personal goals one at a time. I have invested a lot of time trying to teach her about her strengths and how those things help her team.

However, my daughter does not want her Dad, Grandparents, or other close friends and family to come to her competitions. For the past few months I have really been trying to get to the bottom of her reasoning on this.

Last night on the way home from the competition it finally came out. She does not want them to watch her because she is afraid that they will figure out that she is not the “star”. WOW! Talk about being hard on yourself. I then had to explain that her relatives don’t judge her based on her placement at a competition, rather they want to see her perform and celebrate her hard work. I’m not sure where she ever got that thought, but it is one I want to set straight now.

When it comes to the girls I coach, I do my best to treat them all with respect and fairness. I also go out of my way to help them discover their strengths and weaknesses. Through this discovery they learn that they have strengths to contribute to the team and that working on their weaknesses can be very rewarding.