Archive for Parenting
Getting Past “I QUIT”
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One of the hardest things for parents and coaches to hear kids say is “I QUIT” especially, when the athlete’s desire to quit is sudden. So, what’s a parent to do?
This is a situation I have found myself in a few times, but most recently with my youngest daughter and swimming. I am actually glad I didn’t post about this as we were going through it as it all makes much more sense now that we have gotten past “I Quit” – at least this time.
In September when the fall swim season started, my daughter was pretty excited. She felt like the girls in her group were all her friends and she called them her “Dream Team,” and this being her second full season on the team she also started with a sense of confidence and knowing what to expect. Because my son is also swimming but in a different group, Nat gets to play with her friend before each practice as A’s sister in also in the other group. The two girls were too much fun to watch as they played, chatted and basically used that time as a transition between school and swim. I felt so relieved and was sure this year would be smooth sailing as Nat had so much to look forward to each practice.
And then she got sick. That nasty, fever raging, energy draining, in hindsight-most-likely-flu thing that took absolutely everything out of her.
She was out of school for a week. The following week when she returned to school I recommended that she go to practice. She immediately said “no” and really resisted the idea. (Clue #1 missed.) She ended up going to practice but really didn’t have her energy back which meant swimming was really hard, which equaled “really not fun” for her. That weekend there was a swim meet and she started telling me how much she hated swimming, didn’t want to compete, and wanted to QUIT. The day before the meet she said that in a way she wanted to compete, but in the same sentence still told me she wanted to quit.
For the next two weeks, any talk of swim became a battleground. She didn’t want to go and if she did, she wouldn’t put her head under water, wouldn’t do the whole workout, and generally was miserable. She would scream at me and tell me she hated swim; she would make excuses for not wanting to put her head under water; and she was generally grouchy. (Clue #2 missed.)
Finally after really stepping back, talking with her coaches, listening to what she had to say, I figured something out – she was still recovering from her illness and being the perfectionist child she is, she thought it was easier to quit than to get back in the water and rebuild her stamina. After more discussions, we also realized that it wasn’t until last week that she was really back to 100% .
Last week my Nat returned. After a few days of talking, confidence boosting and some distractions from her coaches, she is back in the water, excited, confident, motivated and ready for her meet this weekend!!
PARENT TIPS FOR GETTING PAST “I QUIT”
1. Look at your child’s health. Has she been sick or is she getting sick? Is she dealing with an injury?
2. Have there been any changes or dramas at school or home?
3. Stop asking “how was practice?” A very wise coaching mentor told me this once and while it is hard to do, it is a habit parents MUST break! Instead, let your child direct the conversation.
4. Listen to your child away from the sport. Is your child interested in how her teammates are doing? Does she still consider herself part of the team? Does she give you clues as to what the root of the problem may be.
5. Communicate with her coach. With the right information, the coaches can help re-establish expectations, get your daughter involved and make your daughter find her spark again.
6. Take it one step at a time. Try setting intermediate goals and praising her for reaching them. For us, it was getting Nat back in the water – even if it meant all she did was kick or swim her strokes with her head out of the water.
7. Remove unnecessary stressors. If you daughter isn’t ready to compete or to play in the game yet, then sit one out. I do encourage going to cheer on teammates still as that serves its own positive purpose, too. If you need to reduce her practice times temporarily, then do so.
8. Remind her of her commitment. Organized sports usually have some sort of commitment attached to them. By saying you need to finish the season and then you may quit, gives her the time to reconnect with her sport and decide if it is what she wants to do, and it encourages positive work ethics, too. As in, you need to finish what you start.
9. Use distractions. For example, my daughter loves it when her coach plays the Skittles game. So one thing that helped get her back to the pool was a suggestion to stop at the store and buy her coach a bag of Skittles for practice. She was so focused on buying and delivering the Skittles that the swim issue was secondary. (More tips for keeping workouts fun)
10. Be positive!! Remember that your child is a child first and an athlete second. The sport does not define her success or worth as a person and it shouldn’t define yours either. Keep your eye on the BIG picture.
It’s Just One Meet – Making the Decision to Compete or Not
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In the world of youth sports it is so easy to get caught up in the emotion and get into the mindset that every competition, game, or match is the most important event. What if the athlete is injured, sick or physically unprepared for the competition? How do you decide?
This is where the coach, athlete and parental team need to come together. There are the obvious reasons to scratch an athlete – diagnosed injury or illness, but there are situations where the decision is not as clear cut.
That is the situation I find myself in today. My youngest daughter is a swimmer. Two weeks ago she came down with that icky virus that has been going around and ended up missing an entire week of school. This past week she returned to school but was so tired after a full day at school she was asking to go to bed early, couldn’t even get homework done, and was just not back to 100% yet. She went to practice twice in the past two weeks and neither one was what I would call a complete practice.
She is supposed to be at a swim meet this morning. We decided to miss it – even though we had paid for it already and her coach was fine with her swimming if she was up to it. She does not feel prepared – and as a coach for a completely different sport (gymnastics) – I know she is not. I know she could have made it through, gotten a time and survived, but she would have been disappointed in her performance.
Knowing my daughter, that would not be a motivating thing at all. It’s only one meet. It’s not the end of the world. Too often as coaches and parents we lose sight of that. Rather than pushing through today and being disappointed, my daughter is intent on going and cheering on her teammates and setting her goals for the next meet. One of those goals is staying healthy.
As a coach, do you have guidelines in place to help make the decision about competition readiness easier and more clear cut for all involved? I know at the gym we do. For us it’s a safety thing.
Athletes and Back to School: 8 Things Parents and Coaches Can Do To Make It Easier
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Our kids go back to school tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the first day of practice on the fall schedule for the gymnasts I coach and my own kids go back to swim team practices this week, as well. As a coach and a parent, I know the next 3 weeks are going to be HARD! That’s because it is going to take about 3 weeks for the kids to adjust to being back in school all day and then going straight to practice a few times a week. But it’s going to be okay. Experience tells me that these first few weeks will be tough, but the kids will adapt.
As a parent, you can help make this transition time easier by:
- Make sure your athlete is going to bed at a reasonable time. Summer sleep schedules were lax at best around my house so it is time to recalibrate the kids’ sleep schedules. I aim to have my 7 year old in bed between 9 and 9:30 on school nights. She can sleep in until 8 so that gives her plenty of time to rest. My 11 and 13 year old have to get up earlier but don’t seem to need quite as much sleep so they go to bed no later than 10 – closer to 9:30 on night’s where the homework load is light.
- Make sure your athlete is adequately fueled. Long school days mean less opportunity for snacking but it also means that they will be hungrier when you see them after school. Start with a balanced breakfast – no a frozen waffle on its own does not count. Encourage your athlete to help pack their lunch or at least give you input so the chance of them eating it all is better. If you are going straight from school to practice, make sure you provide a healthy mini-meal to refuel their systems (check our list of Healthy Snacks and Mini Meal Ideas). After workout try a tall glass of chocolate milk and a banana or bagel for immediate muscle recovery!
- Communicate with teachers! If your child is still in elementary school, definitely let their teacher know what days they have sports practice. Many teachers will be willing to give homework at the beginning of the week so that you can focus on homework on off days, or at least conquer the more time intensive pieces on non-sports days. For middle school and high school students, it is a great time to learn time management skills. My kids have learned how to take advantage of in-school study halls and extra class time to get a jump on homework so they don’t have as much to deal with after school.
- Allow for downtime. Be sure not to completely over schedule your child these first few weeks. Add activities incrementally and allow for some relaxation time. Time to read, play, enjoy family time and just chill is just as essential for kids as the sports they do!
As a coach, you can help by:
- Being aware of the transition that your athletes are dealing with. Just acknowledging the new schedule and challenges will go a long way to helping the children relax.
- Taking a few minutes to communicate with your athletes. When we start practice we have the girls all line up first so we can give them any pre-practice information, greet them and we usually go down the line and ask them each how their day was or some silly question. It helps the girls change gears and it helps facilitate the coach/athlete bond.
- Stressing the importance of school. Remind your athletes that school comes first. If they need an extra 15 minutes at the beginning of practice to finish up homework, give it to them. As the year goes on they will find their stride and will learn to manage the homework/practice balance better. Allow athletes to leave practice early on night’s where they need to study for a big test or have a larger than normal homework load.
- Adjusting practice intensity. Know your athletes and know the signs of fatigue. The first few weeks of school you may need to adjust the intensity, number repetitions and lower your expectations a bit.
Years of experience from the coaching side and now from the parenting side have taught me that kids are resilient, they adapt and even the busiest schedule can be a positive thing – IF – parents and coaches are working together with the athletes as a TEAM.
Do you have tips for making the transition from the lazy days of summer back to the structure of balancing school and sports? If so – share them in the comments below! We can all benefit from working to support our athletes.
